not sure whats in my mind

Well shit. I have been contemplating what to write here for about 3 days and well, ya know...best laid plans of mice and men b.s. right? Ok, I'll admit it, thats what this blog is all about now isnt it? Honesty, catharticism. For lack of a better phrase- "unloading crap out of 'me'". I read a blog the other day that did something very unusual to me. I got a fantasy out of it!!!! It actually, literally stimulated my mind into an errogenous little adventure that I truly didnt expect to be goin on. I was completely caught up in her body and the way it responded to stimuli and the effect that would have on me. Please, dont misinterpret- I didnt have a PERSONAL fantasy, I have no way or reason to think of this blog author in that fashion but somebody. Anybody. I wanted then to undertake composing an entry in my blog that would be suave and smooth and subtle to use it to relay a message to this other author- even if she never read it. Now the honest part. I chickened out. I bet I put the words together a thousand ways and a hundred thousand times. zip. Couldnt do it. I have already mentioned what a woman who gets wet when excited means to me. Am I THAT wrong? What person doesnt want to know their lover wants them? I guess I am just a cowardly needful creature. It was kinda sad...this little need I expect out of my lovers. Ya wann know the saddest part? I think I may have experienced it much more than I really recall, I was just VERY promiscous for a long time and it all kinda blurred together. I had lovers I dont even recall and most of those were in a fairly drunken haze. Probably had exactly what I want and let it go. Dumbass. So, on to my fantasy (or as brave as Ican be about it now) it occured to me that to proceed with ANY of my intended writings would or COULD have been an attempt at manipulation- again- NOT what I want of me. Guess for now I will just let it go...as much as I can...cant easily shake the visual from my mind. Think I'll go write an email to a friend/acquaintance thats a bit overdue. Laters.