Very therepeutic

Totally screwed off about 478.9 million things today that I really, REALLY should have been doing. I DID call the insurance guy-he wasnt in today so I proceeded to go to a meeting-nice day so I rode. Hmmm....oh yes. the meeting. Don't suppose I've mentioned it but I consider myself a "member" of Narcotics Anonymous. I havent touched anything in years and really dont see any way for that to become a factor in my life however, upon closer investigation into the program one finds many very beneficial side effects to working the steps. In particular I am fascinated by acouple things-aside from the closer relationship and understanding of "higher power"- the "fearless and searching moral inventory" and the "spiritual awakening". No bullshit here- I WANT THOSE. Character defect? so be it but I have a strong track record of getting what I want so....I imagine I have buried myself down so deep inside layers of charades and faces and dare I say it? Masks- that I barely know the real deep[ down me any longer. I view this step of the program as a way to break that down and meet myself. And who can not want a spiritual awakening? Between the two, it can only put me in a cleaner, clearer, more honest place from which to do what? Start the steps over again of course. Sound like a dog chasing its tail? Not even close. Follow me. The first time through, A confirmed manipulator of self and others will work these steps and hopefully reach a new level of honesty and awareness of self, setting up for a second round approached by a more honest, less manipulative being and so on and so forth until eventually the result of the steps is a very well grounded, honest individual, free of emotional baggage who knows themself very well. Its an amazing concept. Not just for the addict. But well, shall I even go there? What the hell, why not. My personal observation is that EVERYBODY is an addict. Some choose a substance, others an activity or another person or even a type of other person and this..."thing" becomes their obsession. Knitting? Sex? Petite women? Macho men? Candy? Its all signs of addictive behavior-some are fortunate in that their addiction is not harmful or illegal-yay for them. Still though there are certain character defects and erroneous thought procceses that point to an unhealthy person. I dont want any of those or at worst, as few as possible. I am at a point where drugs arent eve a consideration for me any longer-through my careers and hobbies they were plentiful and accepted as "normal"-I dont go to those playgrounds anymore and I dont have the same playmates anymore. Truckdriving, nursing, music-all dens of acceptance and tolerance for that stuff and "somehow" I gravitated toward all 3. c'est la vie. I'm retired now-my funds are drying up and its time to remake myself-as the butterfly from the cocoon I unveil myself to the world-new and better than ever. Didnt follow up on insurance. Didnt go to the college for financial aid. Didnt contact DVR for training assistance. Went for a ride. About 110 miles of state highways, just the feel of Milwaukee iron pumping the asphalt. Rode on..55-65 mph, occasionally, just for fun twisting it up to 85-90, then back down. Had one other bike post up with me at a stop light outside of town. We nodded. Light turned green and I screamed. Before I was across the intersection I was in 4th hitting 50. He must have thought I was a crazy asshole...or just an asshole. I wanted to ride alone. Very therepeutic.