What a narcissistic jerk

Wow- I cant believe how easy it was to pour out like this. Ah, the anonymity of the internet huh? Now I cant tell if I wrote so much because I am so hung up on myself or because I have kept so much inside for so long any avenue of release is welcome? Either way, the keyboard drones on and my guts spill for all to see. I just realized, in analyzing my previous post, I really didnt say much personally. It was all rather subjective lamentations about my existance. I really do question myself in the arena of narcissism. At times I feel I have the most tremendous ego, at others I really dont know how or why anyone would like or give credit to me for anything. My accomplishments are certainly many and on jobs I have always risen to the top very quickly. I was always the supervisor, foreman, manager etc. but I feel truly unqualified for any of those positions I held. I am not a "manly man" by most any measure. Secret? I dont even know how football is played. Actually, the same is true for all sports-not a clue. Never even watched an entire game of any sport let alone knew what the hell those guys were doing out there. I lie a lot and say its because I'm so very non-competative but the truth is I compete viciously in things that matter to me. I dont hunt or fish- I havent a clue how to fix a car. I'm not into racing or anything "guy" oriented. I am however a helluva cook and I love putting together dinners for moderatley sized dinner parties. A moment of extreme vulgarity if you please dear reader- If I didnt love pussy so much I might wonder about my sexual orientation. My appetite in that area leaves no doubt though. I have a most insatiable appetite in fact-its always been a bone of contention to me in relationships that I cant find a woman who appreciates and shares my desires for frequency. I am very...."constructionally inclined" to coin a phrase (?) I build and repair things around the house a lot. I recently threw in every penny of my remaining assets and inheritance with every penny my mother could muster and we bought a horribly decrepit old house together-just her and I. I worked on it for 4 months and YAY!!! not only is a fairly nice home now for the two of us to live in, it appraised at almost twice what we paid for it. I dont spend all my time here. I still refer to it as "my parents house"- it very much is NOT. The only people on the title to this house are my mother and I-its out of respect for her and my step-father that I use that terminology. We have mutual quit-claims on it exclusive of any other claims anybody may have on it. I hang out with "jim" a lot. He is a mess. EXTREME alcoholic-kinda my "taken under my wing" project. Guess I will be here mostly for a while-he recieved some "reality therapy" from me yesterday and hes kinda super pissed at me now. Hes one of only 2 friends I really claim. The other will be here tomorrow to take my bike out. I severely injured myself this past Sunday. Cuttin firewood and the chainsaw slipped. After 6 hours and MANY attempts at stopping the bleeding I had to concede it was beyond my medical training. Bunch of stitches, painkillers and antibiotics but doc says no motorcycle riding for a pouple weeks. It had already sat for a week due to the cold, now it HAS to run or the battery will die so "john" is gonna come run it for about an hour. He is positively orgasmic and I can stand the thought of someone else on my bike....lesser of 2 evils i s'pose. I am 6' tall, usuall wear boots-not now...kinda hurts lol- my weight fluctuates dramatically between 180 and 210. I have very dark green eyes but they can pale to a dark blue or darken to almost black depending on apperal and circumstance. Im not one of those grossly hairy guys who has to shave their back (thank God..ewwww) but, I have no lack of hair either. My forhead is the same size it was in high school and my hair is just as thick as it was then. I am kinda unique in that I can blend well in many different environments-with quite a varied crowd. I have enough education that I can hold my own in an itellectual group but I'm blue-collar enough that the guys down at the corner bar know better than to cross me much. What an enigma. I cant stand violence but I have taken a few years of kick-boxing and Im startlingly flexible and fast. Im decidedly not homosexual but I abhor most things stereotypically "manly". I really dont think I'm competative but given the right reward and circumstance and I will crush a competitor like a bug to get to the top. I dont go for show but my bike shines at all times and the knowing eye will detect at least 3 thousand dollars worth of clothing and accesories on my rather humble looking back at any point in time. I really like that part. When an uneducated, unknowing individual looks at me and just sees some "bling" but the right person looks and immediatley knows..."the diamonds are real-the boots are handmade-the leather is top-grade-even the zippo isnt stock" hmmm....an epiphany? Just occured to me the crowd most likely to recognize those features would be the old truck drivers i so idolized. We work hard, play hard-make good money and spend it well.....hell, i dunno. therapist? For some funny reason the expression "physician, heal thyself" comes to mind. And what the hell is with the "genius" bullshit. I do have a technically "genius IQ" but what kinda dickhead posts that in their blog??...done for now. byeeeeee.