Am I a sexual freak?

Well hey everybody (nobody?). I got a strange hang up I wanted to kinda put out there and see if anyone ever gives me any feedback on it. Ya ready for this? I can only achieve orgasm when I am actually inside my lover. And I dont mean orally either-especially orally. No hand jobs. No blow jobs. No toes or boobs-nothing. Never tried any other way but I'm sure there are others but I've seen no reason to explore since none of these have worked for me. OK....I'll be honest. There WAS a woman I was with about a year who DID bring me to orgasm twice orally but only with extreme effort. She said she sucked so hard it left hickeys on her lips and honestly the position we were in I think really would be considered more like I was fucking her mouth. It did feel great but not any better than her pussy would have been.
So. Any other guys out there experience this? Hmmph. Didnt think so. Kinda brings me to another sore spot actually. I have been with numerous women who I have let in on my little secret early on in the relationship and they ALL say the same thing ( or some minor variation of same)..." you just havent had somebody do it right( or good, whatever)" never works but interestingly, there have been several also who profess to "really enjoying doing it"...ahem.bullshit.ahem. Explain to me why it is then that (current case in point-my so) they never continue to try? Once or twice-no orgasm-never get em near it again. Dont get me wrong-it feels really good-just doesnt produce orgasm. In fact, I LOVE being woke up to that and she knows it. ONE FRIKKEN TIME IN TWO YEARS!!!! To me I guess the best way to describe it is that its like foreplay-leads to the good stuff but not the climax itself. Weird huh? If Jez is reading this I would LOVE her input on this...or anybodies for that matter.

In other news...I am proud to announce (almost) the release of my first sexual fantasy short story!!! Chapter one has been written and submitted to the final approver who didnt seem offended by it so, so far so good. Its a-gonna get a pretty good bit kinky so.......please standby....

Psychosis and preview....

Well hello anybody?? Had a couple things to write tonight. First- I wish to formally announce the upcoming release of a rather extensive sexual fantasy writing which will encompass MANY little "sub-fantasies". (key up that creepy voice that does movie previews) I am working on a tale (pun intended) that will incorporate a friends fantasy along with just a touch of what I believe is a bit of subdued kink of hers along with one of my fantasies which very nicely melds with hers and then has a surprise ending that is also one of my fantasies that I have written allusions to in this blog so...stay tuned. *this movie not yet rated* (that means she has to aprove it before it goes in here-the names will be changed to protect the innocent)
Now, onto my usual tirade. Has anybody seen the movie that is making the rounds online about how the bible and all things christian are actually astrological? It is amazing and I've only had time for the first 1/2 hour of it. Claims Christ is one of many "Sun-Gods" throughout history. Normally I would have dismissed this as coming from one who wasnt educated but this time the evidence is overwhelming. The guy narrating cites TONS of previous "Sun-Gods" who were documented in their time to have had an AMAZING amount of similarities to Jesus-ie: born of a virgin, traveled with disciples, performed miracles, died for beliefs, raised again on the third day etc etc etc. While that alone had my attention, the corelations of new testament events of Jesus' life tie in in an UN-FRIKKEN-CANNY way. I probably arent going to do this justice but its something like the astrological chart can be shorthand drawn to look like a cross with a circle in the center-the same way jesus was depicted in early art-there are 12 signs of zodiac-12 disciples, Jesus at the center. Even the events of his life coincide with astrology. life, death, rebirth. Man I am screwing this up so bad- WATCH THE MOVIE. zeitgist is what its called http://zeitgeistmovie.com/ More later.

people SUCK...maybe its society that SUCKS

I got to thinkin the other day about how the handful of people I personally know would react if they could read my blog and it was very daunting. It occured to me that I would be mocked, looked down upon, ridiculed even. PEOPLE SUCK!!! OK, well that was my initial thought but upon closer analysis of this situation I realized that most likely it wasnt the individuals per se' that was doing the proverbial sucking, it was them as a result of outside influences (A.K.A.-"society"). Why the hell should my views on sex and religion and even roles within the structure of society be deemed "wrong"??? Simply put, its what people have been programmed to accept and believe. I believe it was George Carlin who had a bit that went something like- " ok, so youre in a room. Its totally dark-cant see a thing when all of a sudden you run into another human being. The 2 of you start touching. Youre rubbing and touching and feeling and IT FEELS GOOD!!! You keep on rubbing and touching and now youre kissing and it feels REALLY GOOD-all of a sudden... WHAM!!!! Somebody turns on the lights and....your other person....IS THE SAME SEX AS YOU!!!!" SO FREAKIN WHAT!!???!! Didnt nature just teach you that the gender of the stimuli is not relevant to the reaction??? AH YES BUT... society just deemed you a faggot. You could be ruined for life. What a crock of shit. Rage against the machine man, rage against the machine!! Sincerely, if it feels good...DO IT!!!! And dont give me that bull shit about how it violates some biblical "law", lets remember who youre talking to- religiosity is my forte'. Say it and I'll run roughshod over you like you werent even there. WHAT?? You dared say it?? Ballsy little fucker arent ya? ( he rambles on, writing as if anyone would ever actually READ this drivel) soooo....concerned about this whole "sodomy thing" are we?? Worried about how The Almighty will frown upon it. WE ARE MEN!!! We cant allow ourselves to be violated in this manner-breaks laws of God and man. HAH!!! The rantings of the ignorant. Do a tiny bit of reasearch in biblical language and gee, big shock, you will ultimately discover the phrase we translated as "sodomy" originally referred to sex with YOUNG BOYS. (which I certainley DONT condone). What has happened here folks is that due to a lapse in ability to accurately translate that VERY specific term into something more fitting so it bacame "wrong" for men to be on "the recieving end". The "great" (ahem) apostle Paul furthered the male dominance through the church untill now we have it set up where only women can recieve sex in that way. Now it has become the norm and so if a guy wants anal stimulation he has to hide and do it himself, have an understanding open minded partner or be homosexual. How fucked up is THAT? People suck. Society has made people suck. HEY, I need some input from all 2 of my potential readers. Please? Youve read my little fantasy scenario I assume? I want to REALLY expand on that kind of writing but I would like to do it for a supplemental income. I have a really elaborate work in my head revolving around an out-of-town friend whos address I have and whos S.O. goes out of town(?) that I would like to put in here. Would SOMEBODY be willing to review it and let me know if its marketable and if so would they have any idea how to market it? I cant begin to tell ya how much it excites me to know I wrote something that excited somebody else. Almost orgasmic. comments welcome........

Sexuality...???

What is sexuality, I mean in the sense of the word as we use it in everyday life? This is the definition given by dictionary.com-

sex·u·al·i·ty /ˌsɛkʃuˈælɪti or, especially Brit., ˌsɛksyu-/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[sek-shoo-al-i-tee or, especially Brit., seks-yoo-] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun
1.
sexual character; possession of the structural and functional traits of sex.
2.
recognition of or emphasis upon sexual matters.
3.
involvement in sexual activity.
4.
an organism's preparedness for engaging in sexual activity.

Somehow I feel its much, much more than this. To me the use seems to encompass an almost spiritual essence. It is embroiled deep within ones soul, their very being if you will. When I contemplate one who I feel exudes sexuality, it far surpasses anything in the physical realm. Perhaps Imerely am putting to much emphasis on the act itself. Strange stuff in my mind it is. Have you never seen someone who seems to just exude sexuality? I encounter these magnificent creatures in both sexes from time to time and God help, I want to be with them, almost as if I am a leach seeking to prey off whatever it is they have. Strickingly oddly however, I sense the same aura about myself but not in a full time capacity. It seems I can turn it on and off at will. I have exercised it at gatherings and found it to be effective enough that it almost always assures me of getting laid. Seems others can sense it also and better, they respond to it. Maybe I'm just micro-managing the definition down to such an exact aplication of the term it doesnt even seem to fit? I dont know but it ALWAYS interests me when someone uses the word "sexuality" in reference to themselves, I must know if they are using it in the broad, vague sense society seems to use it or in the deeper, spiritual, unexplainable sense I percieve it at. hmmm... maybe more another time.

Fantasy girl

Well hello again, fancy meeting you here. I dont feel like writing much tonight but I wanted to introduce you to my fantasy girl. I wont tell you her name, only that she fascinates me. Many are the reasons for the atttraction but combined they are overwhelming. She epitomizes sexuality in herself and in her allure. I cant say I love this woman, she is very much on my mind a great deal but I would love to hold her, to make love with her and I know myself-THAT is dangerous ground. I talk a good talk but when it comes to discerning between sex and love, I'm not so good. She has an open-mindedness about her, intelligent, witty-quite real. I have seen her picture and I find her physically attractive enough. Ah but, this may not be the proper venue for an introduction of this nature so perhaps I shall let this go....for now. I have some studying to do so I'd best use my computer time more prudently-farewell and, who knows who this woman may be?

cabin fever outside

Today marks the fourth day I've been cutting down fricken trees. Kinda tired of it. Odd because I used to really enjoy it. These are even the trees that I always enjoyed the most for the sheer spectacle of it. They were in between two houses and just a slight miscalculation or a sudden shift in wind and somebody woulda been finding out if Allstate really was the good hands people. Doind this kind of tree dropping its always the same, chainsaws fire up, neighbors look out their windows and before long you have drawn a small crowd. I guess its morbid curiosity, like Waylon Jennings said "some wanna see you fly, some wanna see you fall". Maybe I'm just being harsh. Maybe its just cool to watch a 50 foot tree fall. I dunno. Havent done it in a while and I was looking forward to it. I watched the first section of the first one fall and then it was all like old times. I would have my ground guy either on a guide rope or have the section tied off to my truck, make my cuts down to where I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt the pull was all it needed to drop and I just turn and walk away. There were 4 clusters of trees here, each one branching off into 2-4 more which then attained their height. I guess it was a total of agout 10-12 drops. I watched the first one and turned my back on the rest. Ego? Depression? Ambivelance? I dunno but I am almost done, just a load of wood to haul home and some yard clean up and its over. The guy has a couple trees on some other property he wants me to do for him. I dont think I want to. Its not fun anymore. We worked out a mutually beneficial deal on these-bank account didnt get at all offended and I got about a thousand dollard worth of really good firewood but honestly, if I were still "in the business" so to speak, I wouldnt have even considered dropping them for less than a couple thousand then we'd have to discuss the wood and cleanup part. Lotta liability and risk. Probably why I initially enjoyed it. Honestly, I had shimmied about 35-40 foot up one or 2 of them and I wasnt very comfortable. Its just not for me anymore. Need an apprentice about 25-26 years old. nah. Im done with this crap. Bad mood today. shouldnt a written at all.

Too liberal?

OK, THIS particular entry is gonna be a bit on the far side of "normal". I was kinda talking with someone earlier and we got on the topic of threesomes. NOOOoo...not like that, we were discussing it as to the dynamics and the stigmas and prejudices and preformed notions generally associated with them. I was encouraged somewhat to put some of my ideas here and so...heres some vulgarities relayed as tactfully as I can formulate. Why is it when men visualize a 3-some, its ALWAYS 2 females, one male? I have even heard the 2 types of cross gendered 3-somes reffered to as "the GOOD kind" and "the BAD kind". This sorta ties in with my beliefs about sex with any woman monagoumously. Why the hell does it have to be that way??? I mean, c'mon guys, where did it become sexy for a woman to indulge in another womans sexual pleasures but if its 2 men its "gay"and "wrong". That does NOT encompass sexual openmindedness-quite the contrary it personifies greed and lust from the male. Its like he is saying "so long as theres pussy, the more the merrier and thats OK" bullshit. I dont consider myself gay or bisexual but I certainley believe myself to be simply-SEXUAL. If it is in the realm of sex and you and your partner(or partners) enjoy it-have a ball-gender isnt the issue. How can a man be so narrow minded as to have as a favorite favor, oral sex(I cant tolerate it personally) and 'most' seem to be very hung up on on talking their lady into anal sex, but OH WAIT...."IM A MAN!!!!! YOU AINT PUTTIN ONE OF THOSE IN MY MOUTH AND YOU DAMN SURE AINT STICKIN ONE IN MY ASS"...double standard? Whats good for the goose is good for the gander? How can "he" say "oh c'mon...give it a try, you will like it once you get used to it."? Has HE tried it? If so...bring another fellow in bed with ya and just have a ball. "he" always wants a blow job. yay. oops oh wait again...he says he loves YOU and he wants YOU to do that for him but if he loves you and YOU wanted HIM to put one of those in HIS mouth how far ya reckon THAT idea would fly??? I think we have had way too many centuries of women being objectified and men being dominant. Not to say that if that is a role someone or someoneS are comfortable with, they shouldnt pursue it, just sayin-EXPLORE without prejudice. Here is kinda the best i can summarize this. LOVE is not sex but sex is a part of love-If someone is gay, they feel love for the same gender-fine-however if someone is merely an open-minded sexual person, it shouldnt matter WHAT the gender of the person they engage in sexual activity is. I may edit out this last closing statement because I fear nobody would truly understand it is MERELY A CONCEPT but- I could NEVER visualize myself holding hands for a walk on the beach at sunset with another man telling him I love him BUT I could possibly imagine a sexual tryst with a man purely for the physical gratification-my love will always go to a female though....and she thought the last one rambled on...HAH!

what am i doing here

hmmm. or, more appropriatley should I ask, what are any of us doing here. This promises to be one of the most mind numbing posts I have submitted to date. My mind is whirling around in a flux of clarity and confusion at the same time. I try so hard to not let my mind dwell on the things that plague me. HA! I even had a therapist once who pleaded with me to study no more in the venues of my interest. He said no offense but greater minds than yours have given their lives to understanding these things and never made it.
I guess this is going to be an ongoing discussion here in my little blog, perhaps I can even use it to organize my thoughts and theories and facts and finds. As good a place as any to start would probably be when I first recall realizing something was amiss. Seems funny now-the topics I find myself studying as a result of this initial "discovery". Ah well, perhaps as I write I can find the links that join the concepts? Maybe some reader sometime can?
I was a pretty serious bible student, in fact, it was even my aspiration to become a minister. I read the bible devoutly, being a voracious reader, I read it cover to cover....repeatedly in fact. I started with an old childrens illustrated bible when I was very young, my mother and sister would read it to me before I could even read myself. As a young adult, I recieved as a gift a New American Standard edition study bible. I had no idea at the time there were MANY "translations" of the good book or what that would come to mean to me. I devoured IT cover to cover...taking every word I read at face value, blindly. As time progressed, I became aware of the time honored King James Version and I remember not being particularly thrilled with reading it, the almost archaic wording, the "thees and thous" etc. When asked, I was told it was essentially the same, King James, out of love and respect for the Word of God had merely had it rewritten in a more poetic and beautifying tounge".
THATS when I began to become aware of the many translations. Well. Being me for who I am, wanting a greater understanding, undertook to read as many different translations as I could. Honestly, best I can recall, I have read at least 7-8 "versions" cover to cover and I have a pretty good working knowledge of at least 2-3 more. For what? Only to begin to realize there had been unanswered questions I had in the pit of my gut that NONE of them brought to fullfilment. I believe the first was regarding Melchizadek. Lively old fellow he was. Cursory examination shows mention of him in Hebrews(NT) and Genesis (OT) in both instances, he is HIGHLY esteemed, in fact, Abraham returning from battle paid tribute to him and in the unknown authorship of Hebrews the writer parallels him to Jesus. Pretty important figure wouldnt you say? So who the hell is he? Whered he come from? Whered he go? Howd he achieve this esteemed status? Unanswered. Bugged me. I found MANY such instances, in more serious study, I encountered the historical aspects of problems in scripture. There WAS in fact a reign of Qurinius and he did in fact rule the region BUT....his reign doesnt coincide with either the life of Jesus OR the call for a census as Luke tells us. Hmmm. SAY.... did ya ever wonder???? If Herod ordered the slaughter of the infants, the reason Joseph and Mary fled with the Christ-child, Why wasnt his cousin John the Babtist killed? Whered HE get off to? Mary and her relative Elizabeth (Johns mother) were pregnant at the same time. In Lukes recounting of the events, Mary visited Elizabeth during her pregnancy and Elizabeths child "leapt in her womb" at the presence of the unborn Christ child. How come only one of the four gospels makes mention of pretty damn scary, signifigant, MAJOR event that occured at the time of Jesus' death? I believe its Matthew who tells us " THE DEAD PROPHETS AROSE FROM THEIR GRAVES AND WALKED AROUND TESTIFYING" HOLY SHIT!!!! I think if I'd been around then, I'da taken note of THAT for sure....hey guys, check it out...zombie preachers. There were many other issues I wondered about and so I asked. I asked teachers, preachers, ministers, witnesses, anybody who proffesed to have a clue. I got damn tired of gettin the same answer from every one, every time...."Well son, there are just some things youre gonna have to accept on faith."
How would these MORONS feel if they would take the time to study even just a smidgen of REAL Hebrew or Greek or Arabaic, even Aramaic???? Would they realize that their precious english versions CLEARLY rendered Christ contradicting himself but in fact, the passages in question when studied HONESTLY reveal that Matthew, due to his proffesion wrote in HEBREW whereas the others in that period wrote in Greek and so when in one verse Jesus tells to DO as the Pharisees do but not think like em and yet in another he says DO NOT do as the pharisees do...come to find out...its a teeny, tiny little mark in the Hebrew writing, out of place that causes the contradiction. In fact, it makes perfect sense.
CRAP...I think I'm already getting my mind too wrapped up in confusing stuff...one last thought? Lets finish this on a sinister note shall we? This is the beginnings of some finds that threw me into a tizzy of paranoia. I understand to the uninitiated, this may seem trivial, believe me, its not. Its in fact, the tip of the iceberg.

A SINISTER PLOT UNCOVERRED???
This little gem is gonna require just a bit of foreknowledge and a bit of a stretch in the realm of "conspiracy theory". First, lets establish some timelines and referances. The American Standard Edition Bible has a claim to fame. Namely, it uses direct translation from the oldest known texts. And you thought they all did? HAH! (most are merely "refurbishings" of existing english texts, brought up to date in language usage) So? Why is this relevant? In Leviticus, there occurs an instance where 2 goats are in question. One is sacrificed for sins, the other released to "AZ'az'el". WTF??!!?? Who the hell is THAT? Oh well, never mind. The editors of the bibles, on your behalf, REMOVED that Personal Noun name and replaced it in ALL OTHER later versions. HUH? Why? NOW you get to take a ride on the wild side with me for a moment. There is a HUGE body of works, known as the PSUEDIPIGRAPHA. Whats THAT you may ask. OK, its a shitload of books that didnt make the cut into the canonized Old Testament Bible. SOMEBODY, SOMEWHERE, SOMETIME decided for you and I that those books didnt need to be read. Why is this relevant? They contain some very ancient writings including "The Book of Enoch". Enoch reveals to us an much more indepth version of another story the bible only teases at- Genesis tells us in chapter 6 the sons of God (angels) saw the daughters of the sons of man, that they were beautiful and took them as wifes and had children with them. thats it. end of story(according to Genesis) ENOCH on the other hand, recounts the same tale EXCEPT he tells us EXACTLY what the angels did, what sacred forbidden knowledge they gave to man, how they were punished by God for these misdeeds and....uh huh...yup....no shit....THEIR NAMES!!!! Now, anybody wanna guess what the name of the little rebellious ringleader of angels name was??? anybody? anybody? Yes, you in the front row? VERY GOOD, YESSSS...."AZ'az'el". Why does this make a shit? Think about how Jesus exorcized demons. Even HE asked "What is your NAME?" of the demons he was about to exorcize. Until fairly recently, The Catholic Church trained their priests in the ritual of exorcism and one of the criteria for a succesful exorcism was in fact, identifying the demon. So...next we identify what a "fallen angel" is now? yup again. A demon. Now we gotta ask...well WHO the hell (pun intended) took the NAME of a demon OUT of the bible, and why???.... Seems that great Catholic church who no longer trains for exorcisms took that one out. Damndest thing. Didja know in fact, we have over SIXTY FIVE books of OLD TESTAMENT scripture alone that were edited out of the bible and at least TWENTY that "didnt make the cut" in the NEW TESTAMENT???? Thats just what we actually have managed to find and translate-who knows how many are lost forever? YOU my friend, when you read the Holy Bible are only reading what another man has decided FOR YOU that you should read. Go MUCH further and you find answers thought to be unexplained and unfortunatley, even more questions. shalom.